


Call it Madness, Then Shake My Hand

by Reign2Rain



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Wizards, Au - Fairy Tail (Anime), Dragons, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Iwaizumi's a hoe for dragons, M/M, Matsukawa drags him out on a Quest, Oikawa's a demon rat bastard that iwaizumi can't deal with, until he can
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 09:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27968399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reign2Rain/pseuds/Reign2Rain
Summary: The best of the Aoba Johsai Wizarding Guild are Iwaizumi Hajime, an avid dragon supporter, and Matsukawa Issei, who's kind of a butthead for a best friend. They take on a standard job-request that requires magic: demon troubling town, banishment requested. Standard job, standard dedication to doing it right.Iwaizumi Hajime does not drive the demon out of town, because the demon drives him out of his goddamn mind.(He knows he's crazy when he thinks he's okay with that.)
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 22





	Call it Madness, Then Shake My Hand

Normally, Hajime only takes quests requiring a minimum of an S-Class licence. He’s a skilled wizard, and the quests are more exciting to say in the least. Standing at the jobs’ board, this is the first time he notices the Aoba request. But then his eyes slide down to the one right beneath it, pay and other possible bonuses underlined in red. It looks good. He tears it off, shows it to the administrator on duty, and packs.

A week later, he does not have a new dragon carcass like the request had said he would. He does however have a new dragon, for about an hour, until Matsukawa finds out and makes him send it to their local adoption center.

“You can’t keep giving away my spoils.” Hajime protests when they sit down in the guildhall, Matsukawa ordering and sipping away at his tea. He’d really liked this one too. It had been a rare red-shaded Dullhide, and when he’d first announced, “I’m a wizard, so please don’t make me have to magick you,” the creature had looked at him, amber-eyed, beautiful and intelligent, before it ceased sharpening its claws over the village’s stone statue of the mayor.

“I can, because you keep replacing them.” Matsukawa groans. “God, you already  _ have two  _ dragons, Iwaizumi. Two,  _ too many _ if you ask me.”

“First of all, two is  _ not _ too many,” Hajime argues. “And second of all, I save their lives and they become great companions. Win-win. People should just stop trying to get dragons murdered.”

“Maybe dragons should stop trying to make people want to murder them.”

“Maybe Matsukawas should stop making Iwaizumis want to murder them.”

They have this conversation at least twice a month. But Hajime loves dragons, and his best friend just thinks they’re okay.  _ Which is just ridiculous. _

Matsukawa shakes his head. Still, the fondness is in his eyes. “You and your,  _ I can’t kill anything that has the ability to kill me back _ . It’s weird. Border on fetish. _ ” _

“It’s called  _ respect _ , you disgusting toe-rag. And stop calling everything I like a fetish.” Hajime rolls his eyes. “Man I can’t believe our guild accepted you.  _ How did that happen. _ ” 

“I dunno.” Matsukawa says, schooling his face straight, almost puzzled. “But you know what? I heard, during the strength assessment, my partner and I knocked our opponents out cold so fast, the guild masters were like, ‘Man these two are so powerful, we  _ need ‘em _ .’ and then bam! We got inducted.”

Hajime shakes his head but can’t shake off his smile. Of course he remembers. They’d been so happy, so excited getting the guild sigma inked in. The simple crown lies on the flat of Hajime’s shoulder and in the inner crook of Matsukawa’s elbow. Hajime always finds himself looking at it when he gets sentimental. In his defense, it is the physical symbol of how far they’ve come.

“Anyways,” Hajime says. “Let’s go home. I’m tired.” Matsukawa must be too, having returned from his own individual quest. They might do the recommended and take a day off, but he would rather burst through a couple more jobs and then go on a real vacation. Maybe spend some quality time with his own dragons, or go west and fully do the Dragon Watchers’ Autumn Tour this time.

“Actually,” Matsukawa says, almost sly. He raises his fingers and Hajime sees a request page pinched between them.

“ _ No _ .”

“Yeah, but  _ actually _ .” Matsukawa repeats, sliding it across the table, curly bangs falling into his eyes.

Hajime sighs. And then notices, this is the request he’d briefly seen last week. It’s unusual for requests to last this long—there are enough wizards in Aoba Johsai that they’re often short on requests. Now that he’s reading it properly though, he notices the reward has been scratched out and replaced with an  _ upped _ number a couple of times, and that there are notes from other wizards.  _ Too hard,  _ and  _ ridiculous,  _ and,  _ my apologies for incompletion. _ But there is no change in required license—all wizards of any experience are open to it.

The task itself looks pretty standard:  _ demon troubling town, banishment requested. _

He looks up to Matsukawa.

“Village is near my old hometown. Wanna pay it a visit.” Matsukawa explains.

That’s right, Matsukawa wasn’t born in Sendai. Hajime says, “Okay. But why do we have to go today.”

“Kindaichi reminded me what day it was. Tanabata starts tomorrow and if we leave today, we’ll get there, sleep off the journey.” Matsukawa’s eyes shine. “And then we eat till we  _ die. _ ”

“Again, you’re disgusting.” Hajime tells him. And then, “So does this mean I should just not unpack.”

“We’re already gone.” Matsukawa says cheerfully. He’s probably already booked train tickets and sent a messenger ahead, knowing how easy Hajime is. “I’ll wake you when we get there.”

  
  


—

On the way, Hajime actually rereads the request properly. Pretty standard stuff. The demon in the town goes by the code name,  _ Oikawa  _ and the damages reported are all minor things. A case of vandalism here and there, profanity scrawled over monuments. All of it benefits the profile of a teenager more than a demon. Hajime should be aggravated that no one has managed to do the deed yet—but then he reaches statistics. Oikawa has a  _ zero _ for aggression. A z-e-r-o.

Then he looks a little further and sees a goddamn  _ nine _ for strength. Hajime squints. Maybe the tiny smudge to the left is a decimal point and it’s point nine.

Matsukawa walks into the little compact compartment, closing the door behind him. The windows rattle as the train speeds on, barrelling over Matsukawa’s, “Checked the schedule. Gonna take a while. You might as well take a nap.”

Hajime’s about to show him the request, ask him for his thoughts. But then he realizes his arms are going heavy and weak like a dose of liquid lethargy is being pumped through his blood—his eyelids are drooping. Matsukawa smirks and mouths,  _ night night! _

Before Hajime can say,  _ screw you, _ he’s out cold.

—

He wakes up and doesn’t register he feels better than ever, that his ribs don’t hurt as much from when the dragon had cracked its tail against them and knocked him into a tree. Because Matsukawa is busy in examination, ugly nose an inch away from mushing into Hajime’s.

“Oi!” He shoves Matsukawa away. “Space, please.”

“Hey, just wanted to make sure I hadn’t accidently killed you.”

“I wasn’t that tired, was I?” He frowns. Matsukawa’s major in magic is Life Arts, but even though his ability in persuasion over physiology is strong, it’s also always highly dependent on the target’s base level.

“Actually, no you were.” Now Matsukawa is the one frowning. “Dude, when was the last time you slept.”

Hajime opens his mouth and then closes it. “Well...The dragon attacked at night. Had to change my sleep schedule, you know how it is.”

Matsukawa stares. Hajime sighs. “Alright, I was tracking a—”

“-nother dragon, yes, I figured.” Matsukawa cuts him off, slumping back into his own seat. “Don’t bother telling me the species, don’t tell me what it eats and how you nearly baited it or that you plan on going back—”

“Well obviously I do! Did I bring back one dragon or two?”

Matsukawa looks at him in perfect deadpan, then rises from his seat. “I’m going to the washroom. You sit here and think about how stupid you are.”

Hajime rolls his eyes. ”We’re almost there. You’re going to miss the stop.”

Matsukawa just wiggles his fingers in a backhand wave. 

But Hajime is right, the train pulls up to a station just a minute later. The building looks faded, 

He lurches out of the compartment, and then the ramp down, but dang, does he feel better from the Matsukawa-induced nap. He puts it stuff down just to arch in a long, relieving stretch.

“Hi, are you the wizard from Seijoh?” 

The sun immediately blinds him, of course. He averts his gaze, just to meet a smile just as radiant—it actually throws him off for a second. The owner looks like he’s roughly the same age, and wears a simple set of dress clothes. The only reason Hajime bothers to note this is the stranger’s scarf is a strong contrast to the rest of his dress, a background of a gradient of red hues, but more importantly! A ShadowFang is depicted in artistic gray pencil-sketch style, and as far as Hajime can see without staring oddly, the jaw anatomy actually looks correct. It looks good. And the scarf looks good, wrapped around the neck of the stranger, who’s also got artfully tousled hair, bright eyes, and— 

_ Shit, who’s he kidding. _

“Uh,” he manages out loud eloquent as always. “Yeah. Hi.”

Maybe it’s his imagination but the next time he blinks, he thinks that grin’s got a touch of self-satisfaction that wasn’t there before. He sighs inside. Attractives guys with unattractive personalities are just a shame.

“Iwaizumi,” he adds. “Nice to meet you, er,”

“Tooru,” the other replies, smooth as silk. “Welcome to the city. I’d be happy to show you around, Iwaizumi-chan.”

Hajime can’t help but be taken aback. “Sorry?”

“Well I know you’re here on business, but if you finish early or find yourself bored, let’s hang out,” says Tooru, speaking so fast he gets it all out before Hajime can process and cut him off. He shifts his weight to the other foot. Mischief is in his very being from his sparkling eyes to the curve of his mouth, and it’s obvious he’s perfectly aware of his own doing.

He’s not sure why this guy feels a need to antagonize him but he clearly does and Hajime’s not one to back down to provocation. ““I’ll pass-” he stops halfway through a snappy retort. “What did you call me?”

“I’m sure I could change your mind,” Tooru purrs. “And you’re right, Iwaizumi-chan is too long.” He pauses to think, then suggests, “How’s Iwa-chan?”

_ How’s Iwa-chan. _

Hajime wants to cry. All of the initial attraction has wilted and died, leaving disgust to sprout.  _ You earned this,  _ he tells himself.  _ Serves you for being shallow. _

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” He doesn’t care if this guy is actually the town’s chosen ambassador, he’s leaving. The station, or the city to go back home, he just needs to get out of here immediately.

“Wait,” Tooru says. This is the first time his voice isn’t bullshit saccharine sweet. “But you are the demon-hunter who responded to the request, no?”

_ Wizard, and no, that’s shitty damn Matsukawa, who, the hell—still isn’t here? How long can you piss for? _

Hajime sighs. “Yes, yes I am.”

“Whew, good. I was afraid I made a mistake, Iwa-chan!” Tooru immediately swells back into the big-headed idiot. “Now come! I’ll lead you to your lodgings and maybe I can give you some good intel—”

“No lodgings,” Hajime snaps, balling his hands into fists. “I’m going to find this demon, kick his ass back to hell immediately, and then go home.”

A pause, and then a laugh bursts from Tooru. It’s unrefined, and sounds authentic, and all around, seems like a nice laugh, except Hajime won’t enjoy it, because now he knows the owner’s personality is utterly repulsive. The train groans back to life and starts to leave the station.

Hajime doesn’t notice that. “I mean it,” comes out of his mouth, fierce and directed at Tooru. He opens one of his fists and commands a tiny flame to start in the pit of his palm. It flickers weakly. An accidental exhale will put it out, but when Hajime breathes, the flames turn blue and shoot up three meters into the air, licking the faded green of the station’s roof.

Startled passengers cry out. Hajime closes his palm and the fire is gone. There is a char mark on the metal underside of the roof, but Hajime is more busy waiting for a response to show. He’s been in enough situations where he’s scared off people when they see his magic, or even hear he’s got it. But he’s used to it. Is in a  _ guild _ that’s his home with great company and comforts.

Not to mention, he wouldn’t mind if it chases away this particular stranger.

But Tooru has not moved. Did not flinch when unbearable heat flared up and put an untouchable wall up between them.

“I believe you,” Tooru says instead. His eyes have darkened a shade, which adds a couple of years of maturity back to where his early behavior had previously taken them off in Hajime’s view. “But just so you know,” he adds. “That wasn’t all that impressive, Iwa-chan! Any mage—heck,  _ I _ could do that.”

Hajime glares. “Then why don’t you! I’ll leave, and you can go after your own city’s problems!”

“Oh, I would. But apparently demons are kind of hard to kill,” he tells Hajime, plainly serious.

Hajime is done. Done with Tooru, done with his luck, done with the world. He is finished, this is the bottom of the bottom, there is no way this day can get any worse— 

“Now what about my latter offer?”

“What?”

“Intel. Information on what you’re going up against.” Tooru prompts.

“Yeah, sure, tell me—is the demon as annoying as you are?”

Tooru blinks. He looks almost startled.

Hajime does  _ not _ feel guilty when there is no immediate defense offered. He does however, count at least five full seconds of silence, and is breaching upon the possibility of considering feeling guilty, when Tooru snorts. And laughs, like this is the most hysterical thing he’s ever heard in his life. 

“What?” Hajime says, and is ignored over peals of laughter getting increasingly louder. “Hey! What?!” he tries again, prodding the other in the shoulder.

“I like you,” Tooru tells him, looking over with a sort of appreciation in his eyes, in this new smile. 

“Well I hate you.”

Tooru is still smiling widely. “Alright, catch you later, Iwa-chan.”

“What?” Hajime has wanted to get rid of this brat and now it’s finally telling him it’ll do it willing?

“The great Oikawa-san is very busy,” Tooru informs him. “I’ve got to trouble others now, but it was nice meeting you.”

“Wait,” Hajime startles. “ _ What the hell did you say? _ ” This has to be a joke.

Tooru— _ Oikawa— _ calls out, “Bye!” and disappears in a flash of red light.

“Iwaizumi!” It’s Matsukawa. Hajime turns around to see him striding over, angrily shouting, “What the hell,  _ why didn’t you take him? _ ”

_ Thatwasthedemonthatwasthedemonthatwasthedemon. _ Hajime recovers enough to shoot back, “What the hell, where were you? Who the hell takes a piss that long?! Why didn’t  _ you _ take him!”

“I was over there, in case you wanted me to stun him! ” Matsukawa jabs a finger to what would have been Hajime’s right. “You looked like you had things under control so I waited for your move.”

Hajime sighs. “I didn’t know that was him.”

“What do you mean.”

“He gave me a fake name, didn’t look like a demon, didn’t act like what,I didn’t know what the target looked like...” Hajime lists out, “What else do you want me to say?”

Matsukawa stares some more, then shakes his head. “I forgot to tell you the messenger’s description, didn’t I?” He admits. “Still. Damn—this embarrassing.”

Yeah, Hajime’s ears burn like they’re being roasted. This is going down into _Quest Failures_ _History._ “We’ll fix it, whatever. So now what.”

“We’ll go to our inn. Recuperate, and kick ass tomorrow. ” Matsukawa says, summoning both of their things to float behind them as he begins to lead them. “But come on man. What the hell were the two of you talking about?”

_ A lot of things, _ is one answer. Hajime sighs. “I thought he was the town ambassador!”

“Nice. And here I thought you were exchanging traditional pre-battle courtesy banter.” Matsukawa says, grumpily. 

They check-in to a tiny room. There’s a desk and two beds, and maybe a little humbling will do them both some good. The actual attempt to lay out a plan, in spite of the grievous events as of so far, goes kinda bad though.

“So how powerful is this guy?” Hajime asks, after Matsukawa has sent out a messenger for more specific details. “If it’s an outright strength contest—”

“You’ll probably win,” Matsukawa agrees. The fact he says probably, is not taken by Hajime easily, could not be, not anymore. It ups Hajime’s guard instead. “But Oikawa’s...his whole report is a headache. Won’t strike first, but will provoke. Draws out the battle. Always proves to be on par. Full extent of powers unknown but apparently he’s got an arsenal. Don’t let him bring allies, their group strength increases exponentially.” Matsukawa pauses. “And uh, in the extra notes, apparently, he also likes to hit on his opponents? Hit  _ on. _ Like _... _ ”

Hajime turns red and doesn’t answer. 

When Matsukawa’s gaze finally slides down to their luggage, he continues, “No deaths reported though. Injuries on the other hand do range. History unknown.”

“Any clue where he might be?” Hajime asks, trying for productivity. “Does he have a lair?”

“Outskirts of town by the river. Townhall people said secluded, open area. We can go ahead and do whatever we need to.” Matsukawa stands up. “I’m going to shower, you think about a battle plan, yeah?”

Hajime rolls his eyes but technically, he did lose the target. He purchases dinner from the innkeeper and leaves Matsukawa’s share on his bed, and sits on his own, thinking. He starts with how they can use their usual strategy. Hajime will distract him so Matsukawa can spring a trap, and then they can finish him together. But then goes astray. What’s Oikawa’s story?

For the most part, he’s not too worried. He and Matsukawa have fought with high stakes before. They’ve also saved people, entire cities before, have been made to fight for their own lives and won. And everything Hajime has heard so far suggests none of that will be necessary today.

Still, there’s a sense of dissonance that doesn’t get washed away when he takes his turn with the shower. It doesn’t leave him when Matsukawa comes back and says, “Let’s hear the ideas.” and Hajime rambles something quick. Matsukawa rolls his eyes, says he’ll come up with something good by tomorrow and tells Hajime to go to sleep. It’s a while before his head can be convinced to let go of the Oikawa-problem.

—-

They get up fairly early, eat a light helping of breakfast, and then set out for Oikawa’s supposed home.

_ The demon’s, _ Hajime finds he has to keep reminding himself, and  _ not his home, his lair—no, the demon’s lair. _

__

They discuss a couple of more details. Hajime mentions the teleporting. Matsukawa points out they just need to prevent him from doing it. The fallback plan is even if he does, he should have a range and they should be able to chase him down.

The downside is they need to have past knowledge of their destination before they can teleport through, and that’s why they have to find Oikawa first by walk. The longer they walk, the more the buildings thin out until most of the land is countryside and clumps of vegetation. Matsukawa casts a spatial spell to keep them angled right and does his thing with the earth to search for traces of magic, while Hajime is made to cross-check the time against the ETA.

“Five minutes,” Hajime whispers. Matsukawa has gotten increasingly more tense. Now he stops to murmur back, “He’s in the clearing right up ahead. Let’s split up.”

Hajime nods and moves into position.  _ And sees Oikawa first. _

Here the trees thin out abruptly, forming a circle of clearing within the otherwise dense forest. A thick stream runs through, the banks on otherside lit up by the sun rays. The demon is not in his true form. Instead, it’s dressed in clothes identical but for color from yesterday and sits on one bank, knees up to his chest, head resting on them. Unguarded back to Hajime.

Hajime breathes. This was the plan. He slinks out of the underbrush and flicks his hand, drawing lightning down to the earth to cage Oikawa. The energy is enough to scorch the grass to ash and he keeps striding forwards, thickening the bars. 

Oikawa hasn’t moved. Doesn’t seem alarmed frankly by the voltage enough to kill. It unnerves Hajime, but there isn’t a reason to really. If Oikawa tries to teleport, Hajime just needs to shift the cage and it should make Oikawa lag long enough they can win.

“Oikawa, this is your one opportunity to surrender.” He says, trying for cold apathy and failing miserably. “Please cooperate.”

Oikawa stands up and turns around. Hajime has given him just enough room for him to do so on both counts but the crackles of light are close enough to make Hajime worry—an effective distraction that’s his own fault. “Hi, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa looks perfectly unworried. He shakes his head. “Did no one ever teach you manners. You should introduce your friends to each other Otherwise someone always feels left out!”

Hajime tenses. The next move is not up to him.

And Matsukawa takes the offer. Five meters from Oikawa, the space shivers as Matsukawa reveals himself. The perfect camouflage hues disappear from his clothes, his body and his face completely before he gives Oikawa a short nod. “Matsukawa Issei...Oikawa-san.”

Oikawa smiles, but when his gaze shifts to Hajime his smile fades out softly.

Hajime will not think of him as Oikawa Tooru, as a creepy, bratty, weirdo. Or Oikawa Tooru, a man—a demon who radiates strength in every step he takes, every move he makes. No, the being standing before Hajime is a hell-borne creature Hajime is perfectly capable of sending back.

“I’d repeat Iwaizumi’s words, but I’m sure a guy as smart as you already gets it,” Matsukawa says. Oikawa’s gaze switches back to him.

“I’m not interested in leaving the city to be honest,” and again, he speaks with an air of easy conversation. Hajime wants to voice a question of why but he goes on to sigh. “So I suppose we have to engage in battle now.”

“I suppose we do.” Matsukawa says. His eyes glow and the earth underneath Oikawa’s feet surges, pushing him towards the four corners of the box of lightning.

Oikawa bites out a word. At first, Hajime thinks nothing happens but a heartbeat later, there’s an explosion. The area Matsukawa has shifted remains there, a little bump, clumps of the earth all around the epicenter.

Oikawa is off to the right, somehow unscathed. And is now transformed. Nothing too notable except there are two big horns curling out of the top of his head and his eyes are black as the night. There is no Tooru-smile.

He raises his hand. Fire spawns out of the air and before Hajime can move, the flames swirl around Matsukawa in tight loops until he’s out of sight. Panic sets Hajime alight. He raises his arm and sends water surging in a single wave towards Oikawa’s fire adaptation of his prison. And all of it evaporates in a terrible, loud  _ hisss _ on contact. 

“Shit—Issei!” Hajime yells. Horror has him locking down. Oikawa is roasting Matsukawa alive.

Of course normal water magic doesn’t work on hellfire. Oh god, oh god.  _ Matsukawa Matsukawa Matsukawa— _ Oikawa killing him—- 

“Iwaizumi, calm down!”

Hajime’s eyes crack open. He gasps, as he surges up into a sitting position. He’s cold, his whole body shaking. He’s lying on the ground in the clearing, which looks perfectly untouched from the second he had first seen it. Matsukawa is standing over him, uncharred, unharmed, perfect  **except he looks really pale. Hajime feels like he’s gonna hurl. “What the hell…” he croaks.**

“Good question—” Oikawa squawks when Hajime throws him a murderous glare. Instead of disintegrating Oikawa on the spot like he wanted, all it does is make Oikawa’s hair stand on the end. Instead of killing the demon, Hajime has given his hair static friggen friction.

Oikawa cancels the charge with a bit of his own energy and then says, “Iwa-chan, calm down like Mattsun said. You need to rest.” He dares to be  _ patronizing. _ God, the minute Hajime can summon the energy to stand, he’s going to give him the demon a kick where no being is immune. “And as you can see, he’s perfectly fine. So stop trying to hurt me.”

Hajime glares. “Issei, talk fast. Why can’t I get up and destroy him.” He can’t even bother to ask why the other looks so calm.

“Energy drain,” Matsukawa sighs. “And dream manipulation; don’t worry I’m fine.”

“What?” Hajime asks, the same time Oikawa pipes up, “By the way, you should have more faith in your partner. Mattsun would’ve teleported or shielded himself, duh.” It explains the fragility of his body but not much else.

“Oikawa’s taken out your batteries and wants to give you a speech that sounds like cow ass but he seems genuinely serious. Unfortunately.” Matsukawa says. “Also, he rigged up a Nightmare and we triggered it like instantly.”

_ Damn. _ If he wasn’t in this position Hajime might’ve been impressed it had been used so expertly, that something so simple had taken both him and Matsukawa down flawlessly. But as things are, the humiliation only keeps building.

Oikawa smiles back sweetly. “What can I say, Iwa-chan—”

“Stop calling me that, stop talking at all, really.” He snarls. The hell’s going on, is anything real anymore. “What did he do to you?”

“Cursed the sky into the ocean and tried to drown us.” Matsukawa says, all matter of fact. “Then I made a barter and Oikawa agreed, and then woke me up.”

“What barter.” Hajime demands.

“Good question, Iwa-chan! That’s all relevant to the speech I’m about to give, so pay attention!”

“I’ll give you some attention,” Hajime snaps. “Give me my magic so I can run you through with every object I can make.”

Oikawa tsks. “Mattsun, a little help?”

“Dude.” Matsukawa pokes him in the shoulder. “We’ve got nothing and the bad guy doesn’t particularly want to kill us; can you stop trying to change his mind.”

This has never happened before. They’ve been caught, tied up, and made prisoners. But never has Matsukawa sided with the bad guy. Stung, Hajime grinds his teeth, and leans away from Matsukawa. Matsukawa probably thinks he’s being doofy, but he gives Hajime the space.

Oikawa looks rather pleased and finally sits down in the grass beside them. “So, as I already told Mattsun, hello!”

He flashes a smile, the Tooru-smile, the one that has taught Hajime everything can and absolutely, will, get worse. “I’m not your regular demon. As you may recall, we each have an alignment, something that roots us down to this universe and the secret source to our power. You probably remember the most common one is rage or wrath. Of course I’m special and much more interesting!” Oikawa’s smile widens. Now why am I telling you all of this—Mattsun, ask me on Iwa-chan’s behalf!”

“Why are you telling us all of this?” Matsukawa repeats.

“The thing is, I’m much too powerful for your young souls right now,” says Oikawa, in what he thinks is a kind voice of reason. “But I figure giving you hints to lead you towards your optimization of my weakness will may level the field a little more and also kill me!”

Now, any questions?”

Hajime is dead, isn’t he. He got killed, didn’t make it to Elysium, and this is the eternal punishment for failing Matsukawa.

“I’ll ask again so Iwaizumi gets to hear this,” Matsukawa says straight to Oikawa, ignoring Hajime and his epiphany. “What do you get out of this?”

Yes, why not just kill them? Hajime welcomes death with open arms.

“Good question, Mattsun!” Oikawa says brightly. “I don’t see why I should kill you when I can get you to do things for me instead! Like I keep saying, I’m not your regular demon! But I am one though. I don’t age, and life is boring. Or the suspension of it is.” Here, his smile sobers briefly before returning in full force. “You’re fresh entertainment until the next demon-hunters come for me!”

“We’re okay with that, right, Iwaizumi, yes, good.” Matsukawa says briskly. ”Now here’s the deal I made.” 

Hajime would like to die, and here Matsukawa is content to entertain the psychopath by playing his game.

“You are apparently more interesting than me, according to Oikawa.” says Matsukawa, “But not to the lovely ladies in our city—we both know who scores more dates.”

Hajime thinks about throwing his head back and giggling hysterically. If he ever wakes up from this nightmare, he’s going to make Matsukawa do a lineage test so he can check if he’s one quarter demon.

“Anyways, you hang out with him. And learn about him until you can figure out his weakness, and then we make him leave this town. I already asked if we could do guess and check but he says we have to  _ know _ his weakness. Oh also, while you ask him questions, he gets to ask you stuff too.” Matsukawa stretches out his legs. “Hey, Oikawa, let’s start now.”

“Are you sure? Iwa-chan looks angry enough to die.” Oikawa gets up, just to squat beside Hajime, peering at him up close.

_ Perfect. _ Hajime grabs a fistful of his robes and yanks Oikawa forward, to smash his head into his nose. Cartilage, or whatever it is demons have, crunches under the hit. Oikawa shrieks. As he falls forwards, Hajime twists his body so he can drive Oikawa against the ground and land on him.

Oikawa lets out an  _ oof. _ “Iwa-chan, is very brutish. And very forward, isn’t he?” Oikawa coughs. “But I suppose a date could be into this.”

Matsukawa groans, “ _ Iwaizumi _ —” but Hajime’s hands are on Oikawa’s throat. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” he hisses. “I kill you, and you stay dead.” He could slowly squeeze the life out of the demon and never feel remorse. The only reason he doesn’t is his arms are still heavy—stupid muscle fatigue. 

Oikawa sighs. “Look,” he says, pursing his lips together. “I could give you back your strength. But can you imagine it? You wake up, look for me, attack me, I  _ don’t _ die, I say  _ ‘good try’ _ , good night, see ya tomorrow. And repeat, for as long as you are stubborn. It’s what’s happened to the other questers, you know, so I thought I’d try something new and save you from pointlessness.” He’s got the nerve to talk like he’s being reasonable. 

Hajime puts all his rage in his scowl. “You know what, I think I’ve got a question.”

“Oh thank the gods.” Matsukawa says, sounding relieved. “Ask it.”

“What’s to stop us from leaving.”

Hajime is not a coward, does not give up easily, has fought losing battles and struggled until he’s made his way out as the victor. But this thing is a  _ joke _ and he’s not interested. If it’s true Oikawa doesn’t kill, then he should just leave. 

“...nothing,” Oikawa says, and he’s not exactly scowling the way Hajime is, but there’s less shine in his eyes and a sour note in his voice. “Except for the guilt of abandoning a quest.” Oikawa arches a brow pointedly. “You think I’m annoying, don’t you, Iwa-chan? Well guess what; if you leave, you leave this whole town to my mercy. You’re subjecting other wizards from other guilds to my ridiculousness.” 

Hajime glares even harder. Screw quest rewards, the only thing he wants is laser-eyeballs.

“Alright, I think we’re done today, Oikawa.” Matsukawa says, probably mentally coming up with a list of questions for Hajime to ask, having decided if Hajime hasn’t killed Oikawa yet, his best friend won’t. At least not today. “We’ll come bother you later on I guess.”

Oikawa shrugs. “Alright.” He mutters something unintelligible and Hajime grunts as power seeps back into him. Oikawa looks up, meeting his gaze steadily. Hajime bets he’s morbidly curious whether or not Hajime will lose his head and physically try to asphyxiate the life out of him.

Hajime pushes off Oikawa to get to a stand, making sure his fingers pressure where the demon’s windpipe should be. He freezes when he feels fabric roll underneath his finger pads and almost misses the Oikawa’s choking, the only win of the day. But it’s the scarf. Up close. Except the ShadowFang is gone. In its place is a much more slender dragon with smaller scales, and if it wasn’t in grayscale, it’d have the most majestic shades of royal blue. A Cobalt Raider.

Then Matsukawa says, “Iwaizumi?” and Hajime pulls himself together to follow the other out. Still, he’s left wondering if Oikawa’s into dragons. He’s not sure why a demon would be but...maybe Hajime can start with that and make things just a little less unbearable.

—

“So. What’s the plan.” Matsukawa says, after they return to their room.

Hajime bites back an insult that’s been frothing since Oikawa first opened his shitspewing mouth. “Do I actually have to talk to him? Why can’t you?”

“Like I said, he asked for you.” Matsukawa says. “And while you personally see to him, I’ll go and talk with the townsfolk. See what they can give us.”

“Alright.” Hajime sighs. 

Matsukawa rubs his temple. “I guess I’ll go get started. I’ll admit you have the harder part.” A pause. “Sorry for dragging you into this.”

“Just remember you owe me a big one.” Hajime mutters, irritation flimsier than it should be because Matsukawa really is remorseful.  _ As he should be! _

Matsukawa nods and then he’s out the door. Hajime sighs. And then sighs some more as the events hit him on playback.

He’s not sure how much time actually passes while he just sits and tries not to think, because the frustration keeps coming back, swelling in waves so high they could sweep him away. At one point, he grabs a pillow and screams into it. So it’s kind of a shock when there’s a loud  _ pop _ and then all these  _ feathers _ rain down. He’s popped his pillow. Hajime grumbles and waves his hand so the feathers return and the pillow sews itself up. Then he realizes how fun that was and purposely inflates the pillow, pops it, fixes it and does it again a few more times.

_ “Hi.” _

Hajime freezes.

**Author's Note:**

> [no beta, we die like oda]  
> I wrote this originally for an exchange over the summer but then I lost interest with the idea? :/ Didn't feel that it was going well either. Mostly posting it now because maybe it'll entertain someone haha. Maybe someday I'll come back to it if it does?
> 
> (Please let me know what you thought/if it's worth continuing. In other news, I'm fucked up about bungou stray dogs/odazai, the goddamn best disaster in the universe)


End file.
